If You Have a Tomorrow

There is nothing more I'd rather do than do more for Jesus. He woke me up this morning and I got my tomorrow, so now what to do. Well in light of how things are playing out with my heart right now, I can get a pretty clear idea of what more He wants of me. Now, is it easy, not always. Is it worth it, every single time.

If there is one thing this disease is good at, it's a pattern. Basically it's a constant up and down routine that I get to go through as the months pass and seasons change. For a good seven months I was doing great, barely feeling any chest pain, felt the occasional irregular beat, and I was on no medicine. That was the Up. For those of you who were following my blog before that time, you know that for 5 months before I felt better, I felt terrible. absolutely, positively, terrible. There was change in medicine, increases, decreases, and a whole lot of waiting. Yes, my patience was tested tremendously during that time and I knew it wouldn't be the last time. I knew it was coming again, but I wasn't aware of when.

Well, now is the when. Patience test number two in session. Duration: unknown. I would be lying if I said I was use to the up and downs, use to the pain, use to the exhaustion, use to the irregular beats. I never get use to it. However, I do get use to trusting and relying on Jesus completely during that time, which now again I will have to do. To make it a long story short, I am having a lot more chest pain and pressure along with lots of irregular beats. The tricky thing is that with my heart, the irregular beats are coming from about 10-15 different areas of my heart, not just one. Usually if you have an irregular heart beat, the doctor goes in, burns it off, and done! Up and out of there and on with life. For me though, it's quite different. Last time I had surgery in March the doctors were able to get one big area where the beats were coming from. Meanwhile, about 9 other spots were going off too. However, some where too dangerous to reach so he left them alone.

Now those other 9 spots are starting to affect me. And when I say 9, I am just guessing about how much, I don't know exactly. So, now I am wearing a heart monitor that looks like a little leach on my chest for the next few days. The doctor will then take the information on the device and see what to do next. Surgery would hopefully be the next step, but I don't know what will happen. There is no guarantees, no quick fix, and no permanent fix. There is only Jesus.

Now why did I just get into a very personal part of my life? Because my heart is the vessel in which Jesus speaks through to me to write to you. It's not about me, it's about Him. And this down of mine that I'm having again, it simply is His way to use me. So I am here to tell you, I am no longer afraid because I have Him. There isn't anything I can't go through anymore. It will hurt, but I get to show off how great our God is. He is giving me these tomorrows, He is giving me them despite the number of irregular beats I have that day. He is giving me them despite the pain that arises throughout the day. He is giving me life and for me I will choose life everyday for Him. I will choose to love and live and glorify Him through these tough days. Some days I may have to lay in bed all day, but I know I will find a way to spread His love. Somedays I may be able to do something until I get too tired and on those days, I will spread His love in the best way I can. It's not going to be easy, but I will happily be boasting about my weak heart because that's where His power rests.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

I'm not sure what the plan is. I'm not sure how this is all going to happen. I do know though, that I am taken care of. Jesus has put the right doctors and the most amazing family and loved ones in my life to live fully with me. As I get my tomorrows, I'm thankful for that alone. And when things get rough and tough and I think I just can't handle it anymore, He will be catching every tear that falls and He will hear every prayer I make. The things that happen to me aren't always what I ask for:.but it's always even better.

What's the weakness you have been given in your life?
How could you boast about it so that Jesus shines through?